By Nicola.
My thoughts are currently running about 150mph. They are niggling at me,
“Your son is going to be so disappointed if you don’t get what he asked for"
“The other parents will just think you are a cheap skate”
“What type of cake does he want?"
I’m sure you can identify with similar situations, which require many decisions to be made in a short space of time. My heart is also racing. I can hear it pound on my sweater. I can’t think anymore because the thoughts are literally scrolling across my brain like an LED announcement screen. I can feel my head becoming dull, and a slight headache coming on. I really want in this moment to run away where no one can find me. 'What is wrong with me?‘ I shout to an empty lounge. How on earth did I get from organizing my 8 year old’s party to being this stressed out?
"What is so wrong with me?" is a question that I’ve asked myself so many times growing up. Now that I've discovered my HSP traits, I take a pause break and gently remind myself that there is nothing wrong with me. I am highly sensitive and my brain is wired differently. Taking a bit of time out and breathing deeply helps me to refocus on what I need to do.
It was a real ‘aha’ moment when I discovered that I’m a HSP. Initially, I hadn’t decided to test myself but instead to test my oldest son whom I was concerned about. After he had completed the test, I decided to give myself a go, mainly for the reason that honestly I love personality tests. As I got further into the test I saw that I was answering ‘yes’ to more and more of the questions. Situations came to mind; being told I was ‘shy’; I was the family member who brought the waifs and strays home with me (those people who just didn’t quite fit into groups at school as well as bringing home stray animals). At university I couldn’t understand why I didn't relax in a noisy bar or club like the other students, and I’ve always been told I think way too deeply!
Being highly sensitive suddenly made sense to me and answered so many of the questions I had asked over the years about myself. When friends said, “you’re a what? Does that mean you have sensory issues?” I tried to explain from the books I had armed myself with and the websites I had found. I've since discovered that I'm far from the only HSP! Finally I can breathe and allow myself to be me, in a community that is not only supportive, but feels like I’ve come home.
I am honoured to walk alongside others as they discover for the first time they are highly sensitive or as they continue their journey. As for me, I increasingly accept my traits in a positive light and allow God to shine in me and through me. Nicola.